There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
