What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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