I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
