she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
