Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
