Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
