i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
