Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
