ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
not ubering you a puppy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
