Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
