my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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