Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize