Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize