Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
