The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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