Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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