i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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