I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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