i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
