For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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