Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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