i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
