I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
