Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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