Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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