He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
