i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
