It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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