watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
