i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
