Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you made out with another girl for some wings
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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