i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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