70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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