were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
