I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
