I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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