I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
