i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
