Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
