if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
