Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
