Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
