don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
