his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
