Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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