break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
zippers are such a cool invention
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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