tell your sister to shave her snatch
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
