I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
