its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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