I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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