HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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