i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Boobs are out for the taking
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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