I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
