We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
