Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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