Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize