Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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