Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
