Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
