I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
