She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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