I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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