Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
