You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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