I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
