He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
