Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
