Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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