I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
