You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
