Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
