I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
