I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
